手表换一个电池多少钱:搜集5条幽默英语笑话（一定要好笑）急！！！

英语幽默笑话：

She Didn"t Say Anything
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。
“How do you know?” asked her father.
“She didn"t say anything.”
I Have Turned It Over
A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?”
The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”
2.One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.

Girl: Father, I have sinned.

Preacher: What did you do, little girl¡

Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.

Preacher: Why¡ What did he do to you¡

Girl: He touched my breast.

Preacher: You mean like this¡ (The guy did it.)

Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.

Preacher: Thats no reason to call him that.

Girl: But he also took off my cloth.

Preacher: You mean like this¡ (He did it again.)

Girl: Yes, thats what he did.

Preacher: Thats still no reason to call him that.

Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...

Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this¡ (And you-know-what)

Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, thats what he did...

Preacher: My dear girl, thats still no reason to call him a...

Girl: But he had AIDS!!

Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!

3.When I was born, I was black.
当我出生时，我是黑色的

When I grow up, I am black.
我长大了，我是黑色的

When I'm under the sun, I'm black.
我在阳光下，我是黑色的

When I'm cold, I'm black.
我寒冷时，我是黑色的

When I'm afraid, I'm black.
我害怕时，我是黑色的

When I'm sick, I'm black.
我生病了，我是黑色的

When I die, I'm still black.
当我死了，我仍是黑色的。

you---white people,
你---白种人

When you were born, you were pink.
当你出生时，你是粉红色的

When you grow up, you become white.
你长大了，变成白色的

You're red under the sun.
你在阳光下，你是红色的

You're blue when you're cold.
你寒冷时，你是青色的

You are yellow when you're afraid.
你害怕时，你是黄色的

You're green when you're sick.
你生病时，你是绿色的

You're gray when you die.
当你死时，你是灰色的

And you, call me "color"?
而你，却叫我「有色人种」？

4.The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

5.Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

6.Excuse for Speeding

Excuse for Speeding
Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.

〃Why on earth were you driving so fast？〃 the policeman yelled.

〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident！〃

超速的理由

哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。

“你们为什么开那么快？”警官喊道。

“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”

7.Send the Bill to My Father

Doctor： 〃I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.〃

Patient： 〃then send the bill to my father，please.〃

把账单给我父亲

医生：“对你的抱怨我无能为力。那是遗传病。”

病人：“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”

外国人翻译金庸各大侠的绝技！
1.九阳神功 nine man’s power (九个男子的力量)
2.九阴真经 nine woman’story (九个女人的故事)
3.九阴白骨爪 nine woman catch a white bone (九个女人抓著一个白骨，老外看了还以为会出现召唤兽呢？)
4.神照经 God bless you (神保佑你)
5.胡家刀法 Dr.Hu’sword (胡博士的剑，天哪，咱们的胡兄何时成了博士？)
6.两仪剑法 1/2 sword (二分之一的剑，挖勒 请问是左右1/2还是上下1/2？)
7.一阳指 one finger just like a pen is (一只手指像笔一样?)
8.洗髓经 wash bone (洗骨头? 谁敢去给别人洗骨头啊)
9.苗家刀法 Miao’s sword (苗家的刀，好啦，算你对！)
10.易筋经 change your bone (换你的骨头.老兄算你狠)
11.龙象波若功 D and E comble togeter (龙和象的混合体?)
12.梯云纵心法 elevator jump (电梯跳跃?在天雷的打击下，电梯产生异变，於是电梯有了生命......)
13.轻功水上飘 flying skill (飞行技能 ，好简洁！)
14.小无相功 a unseen power (一种看不见的力量?原力.....)
15.太玄经 all fool’s daliy (全是胡言乱语的日记，还真是玄哪！)
16.胡青牛医书 buffulo Hu’s medicine book(水牛胡的医书，原来青牛又叫水牛?)
17.五毒秘传 the experience of eat drink f**k bet and smoke(吃干赌喝抽菸的经验，这也太毒了吧)
18.药王神篇 king of drag(摇头之王，武侠也有摇头的啊)
19.七伤拳 7 hurted organ (被伤害的七个器官，有点道理)
20.吸星**** suck star over china(****全中国的星星，好神啊)
21.天山六阳掌 6 men of mountain Sky’s press (天山上的六男子掌法，逐字翻也不是这样的吧)
22.黯然销魂掌 Deepblue press(深深忧郁的掌法，对对对，有忧郁症的都使的出来)
23.松风剑法 softwind sword(软风剑，这还有点像样)
24.回风落雁剑法 comeback sword(喝了再上剑，在拍广告吗?)
25.血刀经 blood strike(cs 的场地都用上啦)
26.金刚伏魔圈 superman’s cover(超人的保护，老外看了还以为超人会出现呢)
27.八荒六合唯我独尊功 my name is NO.1(我的名字叫第一，无言......)
28.含沙射影 shoot you with a machine gun(用机关枪射你，这样对吗??)
29.葵花宝典 sunflower Bible/from gentlenan to a lady (太阳花的圣经，可让你从绅士变淑女，欧 变性者的一大福音阿)
30.打狗棒法 guide of dog beating(打狗指南，这...哪里有卖阿)
31.白虹剑 rainbow of milk