石景山幼升小:求一篇英语笑话文章

1.
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2.
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3.
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn’t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4.
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick’s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

Cat and crab
One day, a cat played near the lake. Suddendly, a crab clamped it. The cat is rather corss , it ran after the crab. After a while, that cat ran into the forest. A big brown spider making its net in the tree, the cat caught the big brown spider very fast, and the cat said to the big brown spider:" Did you think if you on the net, I will not know you? Yes, I still know you?!"
猫和螃蟹
一天，一只猫在湖边玩耍。忽然，一只螃蟹夹了它一下。那只猫非常生气，它追着那只螃蟹跑。一会儿，它追到了森林里。一只大的棕色的蜘蛛正在树上织网，那只猫很快地抓住了那只大的棕色的蜘蛛，并对它说：“小样儿，你上了网我就不认识你了？！”

One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.

Girl: Father, I have sinned.

Preacher: What did you do, little girl?

Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.

Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?

Girl: He touched my breast.

Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)

Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.

Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.

Girl: But he also took off my cloth.

Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)

Girl: Yes, that's what he did.

Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.

Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...

Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)

Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that's what he did...

Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a...

Girl: But he had AIDS!!

Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
一个女孩来到她交待传道、罪孽. 女:爸爸,我虔诚. 传道:你做什么,小女孩? 女:昨天,一名男子打电话到儿子的荡妇. 传道:为什么? 他给你做什么东西? 女:他说出了我的乳房. 传道:您的意思是这样吗? (这家伙曾经).女:(有点害羞的从触摸)的话. 传道:说 ' 中国没有理由骂他说. 女:我,但他也脱掉衣服. 传道:您的意思是这样吗? (他曾一遍).女:是的,这 ' 他的确实. 传道:说 ' 中国还没有理由骂他说. 女:你和他把他的了解,我到你什么,专门什么:: 传道:(邪恶的笑容:)你的意思是这样吗? (与你知,有何)女孩:(数分钟后::)ugh:: 哦,那 ' ::他做的 传道:亲爱的姑娘, ' 中国还没有理由骂他A.. 女孩:但是他有爱滋病!! 传道:这一个儿子荡妇!!!

Travel Expenses

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A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.
The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"

The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”

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